Wildfire
by 7starfish7
Summary: Wildlife redo. What would have happened if Olivia's cover had been blown when she came to visit Elliot? This will only make sense if you have seen the episode. Warning: this will contain violence and dark subject matter. RATED M.
1. Chapter 1

**Let me just say right now that this is going to get graphic fast. This will not be some trashy, gory, blood-bath but this story does deal with dark subject matter and there will be some violence so if this offends anyone, I would advise you to turn back now. That's it for the warning. Anyone who should not be reading this and continues to do so is reading at their own risk.**

**Disclaimer- characters are not mine but they story is.**

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><p>"Two Hundred and Fifty dollars?" Bushido smirked. "I think that's a bargain." He stalked towards Olivia and she could feel his breath on her face. "A beautiful woman like you is worth at least five hundred." He ran his hand down her arm, seizing her by the wrist. "Get on the bed." He rasped.<p>

"Hold on a second." She said. "I don't know what's going on here but I really don't want to get in the middle of it."

"Yeah, Bushido." Began Elliot. "We have business to take care of, just let her go."

Bushido wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. "We can talk business later." He whispered from the crook of her neck. "Right now, I could use a little privacy."

"Bushido!" Demanded Elliot but he softened when he saw Bushido's hand wrap tighter around his gun. "She was with me first. You can have her next."

Olivia looked at Elliot, reading his plan through his eyes. "Yeah", she said, "He saw me first." She gently pulled out of Bushido's arms and walked over to Elliot. She wrapped herself around him and kissed his neck.

"Now", began Elliot as he stared at Bushido and Tybor, "If you would give us a moment?"

Bushido smirked and turned towards the door, Tybor following behind him. Once the door was closed and they were alone Elliot spoke.

"What are we going to do?" He asked, while he thought of his own plan.

"My gun is out there, inside of my jacket." She said. "Do you have one in here?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, no they took it when they searched the house."

Just then two gun shots sounded from the other room and in a instant Bushido came crashing through the door, Olivia's gun and badge in hand. "Detective Olivia Benson of the Special Victims Unit." He stated cruelly. "What are you doing here?" He motioned towards Elliot. "Is he an informant? A suspect? Or did you just get tired of tracking down rapists and decided to play some games of your own?"

He cocked the gun and gestured it towards Olivia. "I don't like being tricked, Olivia, and now I have to figure out what I am going to do with you."

Olivia's heart was pounding. Neither her or Elliot were armed and Bushido was growing increasingly more angry. "Where's Tybor?" Asked Elliot in response to the gunshots they had heard.

Bushido smiled. "Why do you care, Mike? He another one of your cop friends?" Both Elliot's and Olivia's eyes widened. "He tired to rush in here, when I grabbed your gun. I found his badge too." He smiled menacingly at the two. "You cops think you are so fucking smart. You think you can go around doing whatever you want, fuck with my business and not pay. Well, your wrong." He smiled, cruelly, at Olivia. "Get on the bed."

"You're not touching her", Stated Elliot, "You're not touching her."

Bushido chuckled; the sound sending chills down their spines. "No", he began, "I'm not. At least not yet. But you my friend," he turned his gun on Elliot now, "you are." He walked over to Olivia and put the gun to her head, using it to push her onto the bed. His eyes were trained on Elliot but he kept the gun on Olivia as he grabbed the hem of her pants. With a fierce tug her ripped them, along with her panties, from her body. "Fuck her." He said to Elliot.

The detective remained motionless and Bushido pressed the gun harder into Olivia's forehead.

Bushido chuckled and moved back from Olivia, his gun still aimed towards her. "This bitch cop has to pay. Fuck her." He repeated. Still, Elliot didn't move and Bushido turned his gun on him. "What's wrong Mike? You wanted her first. Fuck her!" Elliot looked at Olivia who was still on the bed, afraid of what would happen if she moved. "Fuck her!" He screamed as he fired the gun in Elliot's direction, just barely missing him.

"Don't hurt him!" Cried Olivia, "Please, I'll do whatever you want just don't hurt him."

Bushido looked at Olivia and recognized the panic on her face, mixed with the love for Elliot in her eyes. He laughed, harshly when he saw the same thing with Elliot. "Tell me the truth, Mike", he said, "How do you know this whore?"

"I don't." He said quickly. He knew that, if Bushido found out the truth, the end result wouldn't be good for either of them. "She set me up."

"Oh", Bushido began as he walked towards Olivia, "Then you wont mind if I teach her a little lesson."

Bushido crawled over Olivia, one hand supporting himself above her, the other holding the gun to her head.

Olivia swallowed the fear in her throat as she mentally counted the seconds before she could grab the gun. She knew he would eventually get too lost in the moment and when the opportunity presented itself, she would have to strike fast.

She felt the full weight of him drop on her, knocking the wind out of her as his hand moved up her thigh. Elliot stood, helplessly in the corner of the room and watched as Bushido sexually assaulted his partner.

He want to move, wanted to rip Bushido off of her and kill him for touching her. But he couldn't.

Because he had a gun and it was pointed to Olivia's head.

It was only when Bushido's hand slipped between her legs and Olivia let out a harsh whimper that Elliot moved, blinded by furry, and leaped towards Bushido.

The gun fired and stopped Elliot dead in his tracks. He looked down at Olivia, whose shoulder was bleeding profusely, then up at Bushido who was smiling back at him.

"I knew it." He said as he moved off of Olivia. He waved the gun to Elliot and then back at Olivia. "Just a flesh wound", he teased, "Wouldn't want to scar that beautiful body." He pulled back the hammer on the gun once more and glared at Elliot. "Now fuck her."

Elliot watched as Olivia clutched her bleeding shoulder. He grabbed a shirt from off the floor and moved over to her to stop the bleeding. His terrified eyes met hers as he pressed the shirt into her shoulder. They both heard Bushido chuckle behind them but they didn't care.

Their sole focus was on their concern for other. No words were needed. It was with a simple glance that they both comforted and soothed the other. A seemingly meaningless stare that spelled out the words that they both wanted to say: its was going to be okay, you are not alone.

There reverie was short lived as Bushido's foot collided with Elliot's back and pushed him to fall on Olivia. He placed the gun on the back of Elliot's head. "I'm not going to say it again, Mike." He smiled down at Olivia, loving the horror on her face. "Maybe you should help him out. You work special victims. You know how this works."

When Olivia didn't move, Bushido pushed the gun harder into Elliot's head. "I am getting impatient here." He leaned in to Elliot's ear. "Either you fuck her, or I will."

Elliot looked at Olivia, whose glassy eyes mirrored his own. She gave a short nod and Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat. There was no escape, no getting out of this.

They both heard Bushido unzip his pants and Olivia sucked in a harsh, fearful, breath.

"Please, Elliot." She whispered too quiet for Bushido to hear.

He heard Bushido walk closer to them and he felt Olivia's hand tug at his boxers, the only thing he had been wearing when she arrived. "She's eager." Mocked Bushido at the scene before him. "If you can't give her what she wants, Mike."

Olivia's pleading eyes met his. She was terrified. She knew there was no escaping the psychological pain Bushido was inflicting on them but Elliot could stop the physical. At least he would be gentle.

"Please", she whispered, "Don't let him-"

"I promise I wont let him hurt you." He said quietly. His hand moved to his boxers and freed his limp penis from the fabric. He thought of everything he could to arouse himself but the fact was he was being held at gunpoint being forced to rape his partner.

He thought of how it would be if Bushido wasn't there, if there wasn't a gun pressed against him. Just he and Olivia, lying in bed.

He thought of how beautiful she was and how if things had been different he would gladly make love to her.

His body wouldn't respond.

Nothing worked.

"Falling a little short?" Mocked Bushido. "I'm sure she could help you with that."

Elliot glanced at Olivia, who was frozen underneath him. She swallowed the lump in her throat and rose to capture Elliot's lips. Her kiss was comforting, telling him it was okay, that she understood why he had to do what he was about to.

He wiped the tears on her cheeks, not realizing that some had fallen from him. He nestled himself between her legs and the heat from her core brought him to and erection.

He rubbed against her, knowing her body was having the same trouble his had been. He was frozen. He didn't know if he should try to arouse her, or if he should risk hurting her further by entering her dry.

He didn't want to touch her, not like this anyway. He had dreamed of being with Olivia, dreamed of having her underneath him.

But in his dream she was moaning his name, not whimpering in fear. She was kissing his neck, not biting her lip to silence her cries. He was holding her close, not pressing on her bleeding shoulder. They were making love, not . . . Not this.

"Its okay." She whispered when the gun returned to the back of his head. "I'm fine. Its okay."

Feeling the cold of the barrel on the back of his head, Elliot, slowly, pushed himself in.

He was slow, caring, and did not go very deep, not wanting to hurt her anymore than he already was. But by the third thrust a heartfelt sob escaped her lips and broke Elliot's heart.

It was literally shattered. Olivia felt him grow soft within her before he pulled out completely.

"I can't." He sobbed as he climbed off of her. Bushido looked down at the reaction Elliot's revulsion had on his body and laughed.

"Not man enough to keep it up, Mike?" He chuckled and faced the gun towards him. He looked at Olivia and smiled. "Sad. He would rather die than fuck you."

"I would rather die than hurt her." He said, trying to control the pain in his voice. "Just let her go, Bushido. Please."

Bushido chuckled again and turned the gun on Olivia. "She's not going anywhere." He watched her eyes grow wide as he waved the gun over to the both of them, finally resting on Elliot. "And neither are you."

With that, he fired two shots; one landing in Elliot's chest, the other in his bicep.

Olivia screamed and leaped off the bed towards Elliot, who was now on the floor.

But she didn't get far before Bushido grabbed her by the arm and flung her back on the bed before climbing back on top of her.

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><p><strong>Review?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: violence ahead. Do not read if this offends. Also contains spoilers for Undercover.  
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**Disclaimer- Characters are not mine. I only own the story line.**

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><p>"Cap", called Fin from across the squad room, "Just got a call from a local uni down in Chelsea. Possible rape homicide, 911 caller said he heard gunshots followed by a woman screaming."<p>

Cragen nodded. "Benson is down in Chelsea, have her meet you there."

Fin took out his phone and dialed Olivia's number while Cragen retreated into his office. When he was met with her voicemail, he put his phone back in his pocket and walked over to join Cragen in the room.

"Cap', Benson isn't answering her phone. I don't want to bug Munch on his day off; I'm just going to go check it out."

Cragen felt a small wave of uneasiness wash over him. He knew they had lost contact with Elliot and he knew that Olivia had gone to check on him. She was supposed to call when she left Elliot's crash pad; which should have been about twenty minutes ago.

Everything was probably fine but he knew he wouldn't feel any better unless he knew for sure that his detectives were safe.

"Fin", called Cragen before he could leave the room, "What did you say the address was on the call?"

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><p>He was dieing. Oh, God, he was dieing. Olivia tried to push her way past Bushido and get to Elliot but her body was caught with his and was flung down onto the bed.<p>

She heard Elliot struggle to get to his feet and for a moment her heart fluttered in relief that he was still alive. But then there was a sickening thug as his body, once again, collided with the floor.

He was shot. He was going to die. She was going to be raped.

All these realizations hit her, hard, as Bushido climbed on top of her and began biting her neck. She screamed and Bushido looked up to revel in the pain he was causing.

He snickered at the horror on Olivia's face. All she could do was scream. She didn't care if Bushido shot her anymore. All she cared about was Elliot, who was lying on the floor, bleeding to death. She tried to push Bushido off of her, but he was too heavy.

He drew his arm back and slammed the pistol into the side of her face, splitting her lip and breaking her cheek bone.

She screamed in pain but Bushido caught the sound with his lips, forcing his tongue in her mouth. Olivia felt him shift and realized too late that he was removing his pants. Her vision blurred as she fought back tears.

He collapsed on top of her again and started panting in her ear. "I am really going to enjoy this," He snarled. "I am going to fuck you so hard."

She felt him, throbbing at her entrance and let out the most terrified shriek she could possibly manage. Anything, if it meant getting someone's attention, and out of this nightmare.

She heard the sickening gurgles on the floor where Elliot lay and she knew he didn't have much time left. His lung was filling up with blood and soon he would be unable to breathe.

She screamed again and Bushido threw the gun to the other side of the room and covered her mouth with his now free hand while the other grasped between her legs.

"Shut up!" He shouted into her ear, "Shut up before you make this worse for yourself!"

Olivia ignored the ringing in her head as she continued to struggle beneath him. It seemed her writhing only excited him more.

Bushido licked the side of her face and stuck two thick fingers inside of her. She screamed into his palm and twisted her body, trying to get away from him.

He worked his fingers, hard, inside of her, tormenting her, as he had since the moment he discovered her badge.

This was it.

There was no stopping him.

Images of Sealview passed through her mind as she was once again taken to that basement; where she endured much of the same. She could feel Harris over her, his erection on her lips, Bushido's on her thigh.

She was crying hysterically now and with Bushido's palm over her mouth and her nose stopped up from crying she was struggling to breathe.

She pushed up on his chest with all the strength she had but only succeeded in earning herself another slap. She gasped for air as his hand momentarily left her mouth to strike.

She couldn't fight anymore. Everything blurred and the room began to spin as she felt Bushido remove his fingers and drive into her with a single thrust.

She screamed into his palm as the pain shot through her. She felt like she was being torn in half as he withdrew and plunged back into her. All she could do was scream. She didn't care that she was making him angry, she didn't care that no one could hear her muffled cries. Her sole focus was on the man on top of her, inside of her.

She couldn't breathe now, crying having made her nose completely useless. She choked into his hand as he laughed and thrust into her harder than before.

The torture never seemed to end; only accelerate and fortify as her revulsion aroused him further. Her arms were pinned between them as his hand sought out her clit and began rubbing harshly.

He sped up his thrusts and his hand pressed harder over her mouth when he saw her face turning a sickening blue.

Her world went dark shortly after. She couldn't see what was happening around her but she could feel and she could hear.

She knew there were other people in the room now and she felt oxygen rush into her bruised chest when Bushido's body was pulled off of hers.

She could hear Cragen and several other men, whose voices she did not recognize. She felt the pressure on her shoulder that at some point had started bleeding again.

She could feel the painful, clamminess between her legs and she wanted desperately to close them but her body just wouldn't respond.

She was getting weaker, exhaustion settling in, and she fought for comprehension as she was removed from the soft bed and placed onto something hard.

Straps held her down and her heart started thundering in her chest at the thought of not being able to protect herself.

Finally, she was granted the mercy of sleep, as an oxygen mask was placed over her nose and mouth and they carried her away on the stretcher.

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><p><strong>Review here or on twitter at Bitchstolemynam<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**For those if you who got the story update email; yes, I updated this earlier but I took the chapter down because I felt like the first half was too rushed. It was only up for about 20 minutes but, if anyone did get a chance to read it before I took it down, I would advise you to go back and read it again because I added stuff that will be needed to understand chapter 4.**

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><p>It was well after 2 AM when Olivia woke up. Her head was pounding and the steady lull of the heart monitor did little to help her out of her drowsy state. Her whole body tensed as she took in her surroundings behind closed eyes; afraid of what she would find if she opened them.<p>

She let out a soft moan of protest as she struggled to sit; her whole body aching.

Cragen caught the sound, even from where he was sitting, in the chair, across the room. After what he had seen he knew she needed her space.

"Hey", he said, gently, as he slowly walked over to her bed, "how do you feel?"

She ignored his question. Really, what could she say?

"Where's Elliot?" She asked groggily.

Her question broke his heart and her struggled to keep his composer. He remembered how lifeless Elliot looked when they had peeled him off of the floor and loaded him into the ambulance.

It was the worst sight he had ever seen; that is, until he looked on the bed and found Olivia, bleeding, exposed, and raped.

"He's still in surgery, Liv." Cragen sighed and looked into her eyes. "He lost a lot of blood." He remained quiet and watched as Olivia nodded, unable to find any other response.

Her lip began to tremble. She knew how much blood he lost; she remembered. She also knew that although Cragen was there for her well-being, he was also her commanding officer . . . And a Special Victims Captain. She knew what was coming.

"Liv", he spoke hesitantly, "I hate to do this to you now but you know we only have a small window to collect evidence. We need to start the rape kit."

The tears in her eyes finally spilt over. She couldn't do it. Every fiber in her being wanted to catch Bushido but she had been present during rape exams. She knew the questions they would ask. She knew the samples they would take.

And ultimately, she knew what they would find.

"What do we have on Bushido?" She asked.

Cragen sighed. "One count murder in the first degree. Two counts assault with a deadly weapon, two counts attempted murder of a police officer." He struggled to keep his voice steady as he ground out the last of his words. "And one count rape."

Olivia visibly cringed at his words. "The where-house?"

"SWAT is paying them a visit. We got him, Olivia. There's no way he can wiggle out of this."

She nodded. "How long has Elliot been in surgery?"

Cragen knew she was stalling. "Olivia?"

"No", she said curtly, "no."

"Olivia you know how vital it is that you-"

"I don't care." She interrupted. Her eyes were filled with pain. "We've got him. You said it yourself that he's going away. I'm not doing it if I don't have to."

Cragen didn't understand. How could he? How could he know that Olivia wasn't doing this to protect herself but to protect Elliot? He wasn't there when Bushido put the gun to his head and ordered him on top of her. She knew, even in the briefest moments that he had been inside her that there was evidence of the encounter.

She couldn't let that get out. She couldn't let out the possibility that Elliot had done the unspeakable to his partner while he had been undercover.

Because those who really knew Elliot would see that he had no choice but those who didn't, those who just knew him in passing, would see a monster.

They would see a man who should have done something, anything, to not rape his partner. They would see an angry, aggressive man who finally snapped and pinned her down and had his accomplice watch as he so painfully violated her.

The judges on their case, the lawyers, IAB, Tucker, they would all see the bold print in the report with Elliot's name listed on the DNA found inside the victim.

She wanted to be sick because everyone would know. Every sorted detail of what had happened to them would be out for everyone to see. They would know what she had done, how she took off her clothes and bared herself as a prostitute. They would know Elliot was found in only his boxers with a bullet in his lung and one in his arm.

Humiliation washed over her as she struggled to reconstruct the last hours of her life. She knew Cragen had been there, found her, with Bushido on top of her.

He saw everything; that is, everything after Elliot was shot. And she knew how painful it must have been for him to see his detectives beaten, shot and raped.

No, she couldn't let him see that too.

She couldn't let anyone get that image in their head; not about Elliot.

"Get out." She whispered.

Cragen stood there, stern but with broken eyes. "Olivia-"

She shook her head, cutting him off. "Get out!"

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><p>Elliot awoke nine days later. He struggled to open his eyes against the crust that had built and clung to his lashes.<p>

When his eyes did manage to focus, they were greeted with the smiling face of his wife.

"Kathy?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Shhh." She cooed as she ran her hand over his short hair. "Elliot just relax. Everything is okay, you're in the hospital."

"The hospital?" He asked. "What happened?"

Kathy's eyes were wet with tears as she gazed down at her husband. "You were shot, Elliot." His eyes grew wide. "Bushido shot you when he found out about Olivia."

At the mention of her name, his blood ran cold. The color drained from his face as each and every painful detail played out in his mind in bold, cruel, color.

_The gun was cold on the back of his head as he looked down at his trembling partner. She was naked, save for the pieces of clothing_ _that survived Bushido's wrath._

_Bushido's hot breath was on his ear and his voice was thick with sadistic lust as he ground out his vile words. "Fuck her", he ordered. "Either you fuck her or I will."_

_He choked back a sob as he hear the gun cock._

"Oh my God", he sobbed. Kathy grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it tight, trying to secure him to the present as his memory continued to torment him.

_He was on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as his strength slowly left him. He could hear Olivia screaming and he tried to get up and help her but his body was too weak._

_He crashed back onto the floor and what breath he could catch was knocked out of him. Things were getting darker._

_The sound of Olivia's screaming continued but did little to muffle Bushido's groans of pleasure._

_He never felt so helpless. He didn't have to turn his head to look to know what was happening on that bed._

_He fucking raped her, was raping her. That son of a bitch was hurting his partner and he couldn't do anything about it._

_He wanted to die._

_And that's when he realized that he was, in fact, dieing. Panic struck him. He had been shot. His lungs were filling with blood and he struggled to take in air._

_Eventually, his world went black, he felt no pain, saw no horror, only the sound of Olivia's screaming remained._

"Oh, God." He cried. "Olivia? Where's Olivia?"

Kathy tried to hide the hurt on her face and told herself that her husband would be worried about the woman who had been with him at the time of his attack. "She's home, Elliot. She's okay."

"No!" He shouted, unintentionally. "No, she's not okay. That fucking lowlife bastard raped her. She's not fucking okay, Kathy."

"Elliot." She cried. His words had hurt. He didn't mean for them to and she knew that but the woman had been waiting, in terror, for nine, agonizing days for her husband to wake up and now that he had, not only was he unhappy to see her but he was yelling at her.

He softened when he saw his wife's tearing eyes. "I'm sorry, Kathy." He said as he reached for her to pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry."

"I was so worried about you." She sobbed. "I thought you were going to die."

"I know." He said. "I thought so too." They stayed there, like that, for a moment before Elliot finally spoke again. "Kathy, Olivia was hurt. She was shot. She was raped. I need to know how she's doing."

Kathy nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. "She was released the day after she was brought in. They were able to remove the bullet and fix her shoulder. She has a concussion and a few other injuries but she will be okay, Elliot. What's important now is that you rest."

"Has she been here?" He asked, hopeful. "Has she come to see me?"

Kathy nodded and grabbed onto his hand. "A few times, when I would come in the morning, I would find her here, holding your hand. I guess she comes in the middle of the night. She always leaves when I get here. I've tried asking her how she's doing but she just walks away. She never says anything to me."

"Kathy, she's lost right now." Elliot sighed. "I've got to see her. I need to make sure she is okay."

"Elliot, you need to stay here. You need to make sure you're okay."

Elliot's eyes met hers, his expression stern. "Call the doctor in here and tell him to bring my discharge papers."

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><p><strong>So, as you can tell, this is not going to be completely about Olivia. Most stories involving Olivia getting attacked just make Elliot out to be her rock. He has been through a lot too and I will continue to go into what this has done to him and how he is dealing with all of this. That being said, I will not forget about Olivia. She will be given equal attention.<strong>

**And for those of you hoping for an E/O romance. You've read my other stories (I hope) so you know that I am a huge E/O shipper but I haven't yet decided if this is going to be an E/O romance. It will most definitely be an E/O friendship but we will just have to wait and see on the romance.**

**Now that all of that is out of the way: what did you think? **

**Let me know. Review! **


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot knocked tentatively on her apartment door, wincing as the action cause the skin to stretch over his bullet wound. He heard a shuffle inside and sighed in relief that she was home.

He hadn't had his phone at the hospital and Kathy refused him hers until he agreed to stay in bed; which he didn't. She hadn't even driven him to Olivia's apartment, completely unsupportive of his need to see his partner. The shuffle stopped at the door and Elliot could tell she was shocked at the face she saw through the peep hole.

A full 30 seconds passed and it seemed like an eternity to him. Was she avoiding him? Was she mad that he didn't protect her? Or was she simply too ashamed to face him?

Either way, he didn't like it. "I took three different subways to get here, Liv", He said. "I'm really tired."

That got to her. He could tell, because not a second later he heard her slide the chain from the door and open it to him.

His heart broke at the sight before him. She was thin, too thin. In a mere nine days she had to have lost a good ten pounds, which she could not afford to lose. Her skin was discolored from healing bruises and her shoulder bore a deep purple mark from where her stitches had been removed just a day before.

"Oh, Liv", He breathed as he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her tense at the contact and he knew she probably didn't want to be touched but he couldn't help himself. He thought he had lost her and just to see her in front of him, however pale and broken she may be, was the biggest relief to him.

Finally, Olivia returned the embrace. Elliot kicked the door shut behind him as she fell further into his chest.

He didn't care that he was hurting.

She didn't care that her broken ribs were being crushed.

They simply stood there, feeling each other in their arms, getting lost in the warmth of the contact.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "Elliot, I'm so sorry."

He kissed her hair and held her closer. What did she have to be sorry for? She wasn't the one who shot him. She didn't climb on top of herself and rape herself at gunpoint. Even in the brief moments Elliot had been inside of her, she was comforting him! What the fuck did she have to be sorry about?

"Don't say that, Liv." His voice was just as broken as hers. "You did nothing wrong. I should be apologizing. I should-" His voice broke as he remembered that horrible night. "I'm so, so sorry, Olivia. Please, please, you have to know . . . You have to forgive me."

She sobbed harder into his chest. Hearing his voice broke her heart. What could he possibly be sorry for? He wasn't the one who stayed after he was told to leave. He didn't make up that stupid lie. He didn't give Bushido every opportunity to do what he did. He didn't shoot her. He didn't rape her. He tried to protect her.

She wanted to tell him that but just seeing him in front of her, alive, was too much. She tried to form a coherent sentence but she couldn't seem to fight through her crying. "You, you didn't. . . you don't have." She struggled to take in a breath. "Oh, God, Elliot."

He held her tighter in his arms. "I know, Liv." He said, trying to steady his voice. This had changed them, forever; he knew. His once strong, unbeatable partner was vulnerable and crumbling in his arms.

And it was all he could do to hold her as he, too, felt the last bit of his composer obliterate into nothing and they sagged down onto the floor and cried over everything that had happened and what Bushido had taken from them.

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><p>The sun shone through the cracks in her blinds and onto his face. It was early, too early. At some point they must have exhausted themselves and fallen asleep because there he was, on Olivia's floor, her body still cradled in his arms. He guessed it was about 5AM because the sun was just barely peeping through and the city was still quiet.<p>

He felt Olivia shift against him and heard her breathing change as she slowly woke up.

"Good morning." He rasped.

Slowly, Olivia came to and realized that she had been lying on his chest and was probably causing him quite a bit of pain. She quickly lifted herself off him only to have him halt her actions.

He placed a hand, gently, on her back, careful not to scare her as the other wrapped around her waist. Cautiously, making sure it was okay, he pulled her back down to him.

"Its hurts more when your not here." He whispered. She nodded, knowing he was telling the truth because her complaining body felt the same way. The pressure on her chest from lying on her stomach was much less painful then the lack of his contact. She needed to feel that he was there and that he was alive.

"I'm glad your okay." She whispered. She closed her eyes in effort to ward off the tears gathering as she remembered the events of the past week. "I came to see you, ya know. Every night, I would stay there until the nurses changed shifts."

"I know." He said into her hair. "Kathy told me she saw you in the mornings before you left."

"I couldn't come during the day", she whispered. She didn't need to tell him why; he knew. Olivia snuggled further into his chest. Somehow, the new physical intimacy did not feel at all awkward or uncomfortable.

In fact, it was just the opposite. She needed him. He needed her. They need to feel each other, know the other was still alive. They found comfort in the feel of the other's chest rise and heart beat against their bodies.

"I had to make sure you were okay", She said. "Elliot, you were asleep for a very, very long time." Her voice was breaking again. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up."

"I know", He whispered. "I was worried about you too." He paused for a moment, gathering his strength to speak. "When he shot you, God, Olivia, I thought I was going to die right there. I thought I was going to lose you." And somehow death seemed merciful to the pain she was feeling inside. Bushido had taken more than just her body that night and she wasn't sure how much longer she could survive with that loss.

And somehow her thoughts had transferred through her, to Elliot, because the next thing she knew, she could feel his chest trembling as he fought to hold back his sobs. "I know you're hurting." He said. He ran his hand up the length of her arm till it met with the wound on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry he hurt you."

He wasn't talking about the bullet wound and she knew it. He was talking about a much deeper scar that he had left on her but she wasn't ready to face that yet. She wasn't ready to face what it would mean. And that's why she went to the hospital at night; she wanted to avoid the people that would make it real for her.

She knew that her file was on Munch and Fin's desk. She knew that everything that had happened was in bold writing for her friends to see; every, well, almost every, disgusting detail. She wondered what would happen when Elliot gave his statement; when he found out that she refused the rape kit at the hospital and declined to press those charges.

What would he think of her then?

She pushed herself off of him and got up from the floor. Her head spun as she got to her feet and she had to brace herself on the wall until everything stopped moving. She opened her eyes to find Elliot standing in front of her.

Concern was etched onto his face and his eyes bore the same pleading, scared, and pained look they had the night he had been on top of her.

She shuddered at the realization that the first time they had been together had been by force. She saw the regret on his face and the pain, and the sorrow and she prayed that that wasn't all that was inside him because God, she wanted him.

And she wanted things to be back to normal. She didn't want to look in his eyes and be reminded of what had happened to them.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. And damn it, her head, her chest, and her shoulder weren't supposed to hurt this bad. And he wasn't supposed to be fighting back tears.

But they were hurting.

And he was fighting back tears.

And nothing was right anymore.

She sighed as she heard someone knocking and then Kathy, calling from outside her door. She let the blonde in, who immediately ran towards Elliot. His eyes never left her, though; not even when his wife threw her arms around him. She felt naked under his stare and she couldn't bare the vulnerability a second longer.

But Elliot never blinked.

And Olivia never moved.

And nothing was right anymore.

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><p><strong>Review.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia ran the bath water for the second time that day. After Elliot and Kathy left she immediately jumped into the shower, overcome by the sensation of filth on her body.

No matter how hard she scrubbed, no matter how hot the water was, she couldn't get the smell of Bushido off of her.

She still felt his hands. At night when she would try to sleep, she would be awaken by the haunting visions that plagued her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, he was there.

When she did manage to fall asleep, she would awaken shortly after biting back screams and drenched in a cold sweat. The sheets would cling to her and it was difficult to move in them. She felt suffocated.

Each night she would hug herself and whisper that she was alright but it didn't help. It wasn't long before she would be back in the shower.

When sleep proved illusive, she would go visit Elliot. She had to make sure he was okay, despite the doctor's orders that she rest.

At night, she would hold his hand. She would talk about his kids, how big Eli was getting. She would talk about Munch and his conspiracy theories, Cragen, Fin, anything to get her mind off of things.

But it didn't help.

She still had to go back home, back to her bed, alone, and sleep.

The shower water was cold by now but she just kept scrubbing.

She could smell his stench, see the hate in his eyes, hear the sickening grunts he made as he thrust into her over and over and over . . .

Tears stung her eyes.

Her skin was red and raw.

No matter how hard she scrubbed, she could still feel him.

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><p>Kathy and Elliot barely spoke a word on the ride home. She tried to understand her husband's need to see his partner after their attack but she was his wife. It hurt that he would bust out of the hospital to go see Olivia before coming home to see his kids.<p>

Then there was the fact that he had stayed the night. She felt foolish for letting her jealousies get to her at this time but this was her husband and he was with her now and still he refused to speak.

"How's Olivia?" She asked, not really caring but knowing he would talk if she asked about her. The realization stung.

"Not good.", he replied. "She's lost some weight. It doesn't look like she's been sleeping."

"Yeah, well", she began, "Olivia's a big girl. I'm sure she can take care of herself." She hadn't meant for her words to sound so harsh but she still believed in what she was saying.

"Kathy, you can't honestly believe she's okay right now", he countered. "She needs someone to look out for her."

"Is that what you were doing last night?" She asked.

Elliot sighed and shook his head. "Are we really going to do this now, Kathy?" He clenched his jaw and stared out the window of the car. "I'm not in the mood to argue about this, okay; I don't feel well."

Her voice was cold. "You felt well enough yesterday to go see her." Kathy kept her eyes on the road as she spoke. "You know, you're not the only one who has been worried here. Your children have barely been functioning since you were shot and you have the nerve to go all the way down town to see Olivia before coming home to your family."

They pulled up to a stoplight and Kathy turned to face him. "You couldn't have called? You disappear into the night, you don't answer your phone. When I found you at Olivia's I didn't know whether to be relieved or furious."

He turned to her, remorse in his eyes. "Kathy, I'm sorry." And he was. He knew his children needed him; he needed them. But so did Olivia. He hadn't intended on staying the night, he was just tired and her embrace was so comforting. He needed to feel her, breathing, in his arms. Kathy couldn't understand that. "I didn't. . . I just needed to make sure she was okay." He turned his head before continuing. "I needed to see, for myself, that she was alive. I passed out. The last thing I remember is her screaming."

Elliot's eyes welled up at the thought. She was hurting then and she was hurting now and there was still nothing he could do about it. He was powerless, helpless.

"Oh, honey", breathed Kathy as she wrapped her arms around him. "You're alive and so is Olivia. She was hurt, yes, but so were you and you need to make sure that you are healthy before you worry about Olivia."

By now a line of cars had piled up behind them and they were forced to break the embrace and keep going.

They were quiet again and Elliot was thinking about what was to come. He had to give his statement. It was inevitable.

He had done this dozens of times before but this time was different. He wondered what had been going through Cragen's head when the results from Olivia's rape kit came back. He wondered how he would manage the heartbreaking tale of having a gun to his head while he raped his partner.

He wondered what would happen when he saw Fin and Munch. Would they see what he saw? Would they know he had no choice? He closed his eyes in an attempt to block the images from his mind.

How could he tell them? How could he sit down in the interview room and explain every disgusting detail?

How could he explain the fear in his partner's eyes?

Or the pain on her face as he pushed into her?

How could he convey the regret and the utter self-revulsion of when she started sobbing beneath him?

His stomach churned.

His chest heaved.

A gush of warm anguish spilled from his throat as he vomited out the car window.

Kathy pulled over and rubbed slow circles on his back as his body continued to purge. "Its okay", she whispered. She didn't know what to say. She had seen him after close calls before but this time was different. She just didn't know why.

Kathy thought back to another close call, when he had been blinded and sighed in relief that this time he was at least functional. "Its okay, El. It could have been worse," she cooed. "It could have been worse."

Elliot's head hung out the window and he closed his eyes in shame. She didn't know. She shouldn't know.

"No Kathy", he sobbed breathlessly. "It couldn't of."

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><p><strong>For those of you waiting on "Diminishing", you might have to wait a little longer. Writers block, but I haven't forgotten about it. This story, however, will be updated soon. Starting on the next chapter right now. <strong>

**Let me know how I'm doing? Review here or on twitter bitchstolemynam **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N So sorry for the wait. I know I said this would be updated soon but I ended up flat on my ass with mono. If you've ever had it, then you know how completely exhausted you get. Work and school pretty much took all the energy I had but I am trying to get back on track with all my stories. Well, enough with this and on with the show.**

**Contains spoilers for Wildlife**

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><p>Elliot's hands tapped nervously on the metal desk in the interview room. His palms were clammy and his throat was dry.<p>

"Where do you want to start", asked Cragen.

Elliot placed his hands on his knees in an attempt to control their shaking. "I guess at the beginning."

Cragen nodded but didn't speak. Elliot cleared his throat and briefly looked away before meeting Cragen's eyes. "She came over to check on me. She said that you guys had lost contact and she had to come."

Cragen nodded and let Elliot continue.

"She said she had spoken to Kathy earlier that night and she gave me her cell phone so I could call her."

"Her, meaning Kathy?" Cragen asked.

Elliot nodded. "Yes, but before I could call her or do anything else, Bushido and Tybore were at the door. I gave Olivia back her phone and she went to hide. Once she was out of sight, I answered the door."

_"Who were you just talking to?" Asked Bushido as he and Tybore forced their way into the house._

_"What?" Asked Elliot, trying to play dumb._

_"Who were you talking to?" Bushido's voice was raspy as he caged Elliot in._

_"No one."_

"I thought I could convince them that no one was there, that it was just the TV or something. But then Tybore found Liv's jacket."

_"You wearing ladies panties too?" He asked, holding the coat in his hands. Elliot's heart dropped in his stomach. Both Tybore and Bushido had guns but Elliot remained cool despite his disadvantage._

"Olivia must have heard us because she flushed the toilet, knowing they would hear it. I guess she was hoping they would go into the bathroom and see who else was there." Elliot chuckled, but it laced with sadness. "I guess it was her way of checking up on me, making sure I wasn't alone with them."

For the first time since the interview had started, Elliot was aware of the tape recorder documenting his every word. Despite his discomfort, he pressed on. "We got into the bedroom and they pushed me onto the floor." He closed his eyes, hating what he was about to say, the image he was about to give. "Olivia came out of the bathroom, she was topless, only in her bra."

_"Mmm, are you ready for me daddy?" Olivia purred as she walked over to Elliot. She had a lustful look in her eyes that easily masked her fear. "Oh, didn't know we were having a party. That's going to be one hundred to watch and two fifty to join. Each." She wrapped her arms around him. "Just go with it", she whispered as she nuzzled his neck._

_His arms found her waist and pulled her to him, a big smile on his face. "A guys gotta eat."_

_Bushido smiled but Tybore remained stoic even though he was the first to speak. "You've got good taste, I'll give you that."_

Elliot noted the confusion on Cragen's face. He figured it must have been from point of view in which he first heard these events. He frowned at the tape recorder, knowing that his words were only serving to discredit his partner. He wondered what would happen if this case made it to trial, when everyone heard the tape. "She was just trying to get us out of the situation. If Bushido found out she was a cop he would have killed us both."

Cragen's voice was laced with a thick layer of anger and confusion. "What happened next?"

"Like you don't know", stated Elliot. He hadn't expected this to go well but he certainly didn't expect for Cragen to make things worse by playing stupid. "You talked to Liv. You know what happened next."

Cragen softened his expressions, forgetting momentarily that he wasn't just dealing with Elliot Stabler, but his witness, his victim. "You know that I need to hear your side too; in your own words. If not, everything that happened that night is he said she said."

Elliot nodded. He knew Cragen was right but still, it was difficult to relive that night; what happened next."That's when everything started falling apart. Bushido wanted to take Liv up on her offer. We tried to get out of it but he had a gun and Tybore was watching our every move." Elliot's words were getting softer, he knew the dangerous territory he was about to step into. "I told Bushido that I wanted her first and to give us some privacy."

Cragen nodded and his throat tightened. "What happened then?"

"They left the room. I asked Olivia if she had her gun on her but it was clipped inside her jacket. I don't know what happened out there but they next thing I heard was gun shots. I guess he killed Tybore."

Cragen opened one of the files that was sitting on the desk. He pushed the file over to Elliot so he could read while he spoke."Victor Tybore's real name is Carl Johnston. He was working undercover, trying to bust an animal smuggling ring in prison."

Elliot was quiet for a minute. "That makes sense. Bushido said that Tybore tried to rush in here when he found Olivia's gun and badge. I guess he found Tybore's too."

Cragen nodded. It was all he seemed to do. Elliot knew that this wasn't easy on him. It was easy for anyone. All Elliot could do was picture the horrible image of Olivia crying over her statement as she described the grotesque detail in which he was forced to invade her body.

Elliot wondered how it was possible for Cragen to even look at him after what Olivia had told him. "There was nothing I could do", whispered Elliot. "Bushido had a gun. I didn't want to; I tried to help her." There was a sense of defeat in his voice as he fought to control the anguish in his gut and the shame on his face.

"There was nothing you could have done, Elliot. You can't blame yourself." Cragen's words visibly shocked him.

"Yeah, well," he scoffed, "at least Bushido will rot in prison for what he did to her."

"About that", Cragen began, "Olivia refuses to press charges against Bushido. She said the rape didn't happen."

Elliot's eyes grew wide. "What? Why would she do that?"

Cragen shrugged. "She said she we had enough to hold Bushido and she wasn't going to put herself through it if she didn't have to."

Elliot shook his head and bit his lip in frustration. "When the hell did all this happen?"

"When she refused the rape kit at the hospital."

"What?" Elliot was livid. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "She's just going to let him get away with it?"

"He's not getting away with anything", argued Cragen. "We have him on two counts of murder, animal smuggling, two counts assault on a police officer, and two counts attempted murder. He isn't getting away with this."

Elliot couldn't believe his ears. If she hadn't pressed charges on the rape, then it was never in her statement. It meant Cragen didn't know; that he never saw her rape kit. Elliot closed his eyes as he wondered what other details she had left out, what other pain she wanted to spare herself.

"We have to do this later." Elliot stood from his chair and began walking out of the interview room. "I need to talk to Olivia."

"Elliot", called Cragen before he was fully out of the room. "Its her decision. I don't approve of it either but its still her choice. Don't scrutinize her for it. She needs your support."

Elliot turned to face him once again. "No, what she needs is to see that bastard behind bars for what he did to her. Not for the smuggling, not for shooting me. She needs to see him punished for what he did to her. She needs justice." His voice was low and laced with anger.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

Elliot chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I'm going to find out why she's doing this." He mumbled under his breath as he walked out of the room. "And I'm going to find out what else she's hiding."


	7. Chapter 7

**To the lovely little douche bag that left me that glorious comment:**

** Yes, I do update faster on the story that gets the most reviews. Thank you for noticing. And to answer your question of "Why the fuck haven't I updated this shit yet"; I was in the hospital. I would have loved to have worked on this in-between getting my blood drawn and fighting to keep down the three saltine crackers that my stomach would allow but unfortunately I didn't have my lap top with me. **

**Thank you for your concern of my well being. You will be happy to know that along with being out of the hospital, I quit my job, school and internship just for you. Now I can spend my whole day writing for you. Lets just hope Edison accepts a print out of your reviews as payment. **

**I hope your pea-sized brain understands the heavy sarcasm in that last statement. If you have anything else to say, please address me in a PM because I am just going to delete your rude reviews.**

**My apologies to the rest of you for having to read this. Please enjoy.**

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><p>"Olivia open the door", demanded Elliot as he pounded on her apartment door. After a moment of silence, he heard a scuffle inside and sighed in relief.<p>

She had barley opened the door before he pushed his way in, anxiety flowing through him.

"What do you want, Elliot?" She was clearly annoyed at his insistence but she knew, for him to be acting like this, whatever he had to say was important so she let it go.

He shook his head before looking at her, baffled. "Olivia, I just talked to Cragen. He said you weren't pressing charges for rape, that you refused the kit at the hospital." His tone was accusing and his expression confused. He crossed over to her and looked her in the eyes. "Tell me that's not true."

Rage filled her and her eyes stung with angry tears that she refused to shed. He had no right to judge her. "Get out. You have no idea what you are talking about, Elliot, and I don't have to stand her and take your crap."

Olivia walked over to her couch, assuming Elliot would close the door behind him, but instead he followed close behind her. The crowding was making her nervous but Olivia fought to control her ragged breathing.

"Elliot, leave", she said once again. Her back was turned and she refused to face him. "It's my decision. This has nothing to do with you."

"The hell it doesn't", he half shouted. "Olivia I was there. I heard everything. You think I am just going to stand by and watch him get away with what he did to you!"

Red hot furry was building up in her eyes. She didn't want to do this. She didn't think she would have to have this conversation so soon. From his proximity, Olivia could feel the vast size difference of him behind her.

"Elliot." Her words were softer than she intended. "Go."

"No, Liv."

His breath was hot on her neck. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see his hands reaching for her.

"Olivia, we need to talk about this."

His hands gripped her shoulders gently, but they felt like fire.

She couldn't hear him. Blind panic was building inside her. She wanted to pull from his grasp but she was frozen.

"You need to tell me what's going on."

She felt him move her, turning her to face him. Her eyes were closed.

"Liv."

She couldn't see.

"Olivia?"

She couldn't breathe.

"Liv!"

Her eyes snapped open.

_There was lust in his eyes, excitement and anger. He was all around her, all she could see._

_But she could feel._

Olivia's knees went weak and she collapsed onto the floor, Elliot catching her before she could fall completely.

_He was inside her. Her body screamed against his. She tried to fight but she couldn't breathe. His hands wrapped around her throat, choking the life out of her._

Olivia closed her eyes, praying for the images to stop. Her stomach lurched and she felt the bile rise.

_She was trapped, powerless. She could feel his teeth, vice like on her neck, as he painfully moved inside her._

"Olivia?"

_She could hear Elliot, knew he was dying on the floor. She tried to help him, tried to get up but Bushido slammed her back down onto the bed before thrusting into her again._

"No!" Her body was drenched in a cold sweat as she choked out her sobs. "No."

"Olivia", said Elliot with concern in his voice. "It's okay. You're safe." He brought his hands to cup her face, trying to secure her to reality but afraid of what his touch would do at the same time. "It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you."

Olivia shook her head rapidly, her eyes still clenched tight as the memories started to fade.

"I'm not going to hurt you." There was a gnawing pain in Elliot's stomach following his words. He knew she had just had a flashback and what's worse is he knew he was the catalyst for it.

"I'm not going to hurt you", he repeated. His voice broke. He shouldn't be here; she must be terrified of him.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Olivia's eyes slowly opened and met with the tears streaming down Elliot's face. He was shaking, or maybe it was her. She couldn't tell.

She watched in silence as he fought back sobs. She saw that he was bracing himself on the floor with his hands. It was then that she realized his arms had fallen from around her.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Maybe it was because she couldn't stand to see him hurting. Maybe it was because she knew he needed it. Or, maybe it was just instinct. Whatever the reason, she found herself embracing him, letting him cry on her shoulder.

This was new. She had never seen Elliot like this before and it scared her.

He pulled away from the embrace shortly after her arms had locked behind him.

"Don't touch me", he said as he stood from the floor, his legs weak. "You shouldn't touch me. You shouldn't be trying to comfort me."

Elliot moved to the counter that separated her living room and kitchen. He braced himself against the cool marble top of the counter and drew in a shaky breath.

"You have to press charges", he stated. "You have to tell Cragen what happened."

Olivia rose from the floor but kept her distance, staying back by the couch. "I can't do that", she whispered.

"Why?" Elliot's voice was thick with anguish as he stared back at her. "Why did you refuse the rape kit?"

Olivia leaned back on the edge of the couch, her hands gripping the furniture behind her. "I was afraid of what they would find."

Elliot furrowed his brow. She wasn't making sense. He knew there was evidence, there had to be. Short of a condom there was always some biological trace of the contact.

Elliot recalled all the times he had spoken to rape victims; how he had to convince them into the examination, assuring them that no matter what had happened, whether their attacker used a condom or simply didn't deposit their DNA, there would be evidence.

Whether it was a hair, a skin cell, there was always something.

Realization dawned on him as he stared into Olivia's eyes.

"You're not protecting yourself." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No."

Elliot nodded and felt a whole new pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

"You're protecting me."

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><p><strong>Review. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

"Why didn't you tell me?" Elliot's voice was soft and defeated as he spoke. "I had to find out from Cragen."

Olivia rested her head against the wall. She was sitting on the floor and her arms were resting on her knees. "Did you tell him what happened?" She sounded nervous.

Elliot sighed, realizing that he had unintentionally spoken about the rape, even knowing that she had refused the rape kit. He just assumed Cragen knew. Elliot wondered if she had told him about anything at all. She would kill him when she found out he told Cragen.

Elliot shook his head and sunk down the wall across from her. "No", he began, "I had to talk to you first; find out what was going on. I thought you were in denial."

Olivia's eyes fell to the floor and she hugged herself, avoiding his stare. She could hear his breathing change in the silence and she knew he was struggling to regulate his breathing. She sucked in a breath as she too fought back tears.

She was sick of crying, of feeling week.

"I'm sorry", he said softly. His eyes were on the floor. "Olivia I never meant to hurt you."

He watched her from where he was sitting. She never looked at him but merely shook her head to acknowledge that she heard him. It seemed like an eternity passed before she finally spoke.

"You didn't have choice." Her words were softer than his had been. "I don't blame you, Elliot. He had a gun to your head."

"I should have done something."

She just shook her head. "It wouldn't have mattered. He was always going to rape me. Nothing you could have done would have changed that."

He didn't know what but something in her voice angered him. If she knew there was nothing he could do, that there was no hope, then why didn't she do something? Why did she tug at his boxers and beg for him to do it.

He didn't know what was worse, the shame of what he had done or the guilt from what he was about to say. "Then why did you say it was okay, Olivia?" Because he never would have done it if she hadn't asked him to. Fuck the gun to his head. "Why did you let me go through with it?"

She was glaring at him now. "So now this is my fault?"

Elliot stood from the floor, Olivia following his actions. "Olivia if you knew there was nothing I could do then why didn't you stop me. This whole thing could have been avoided." And he wouldn't be suffering this bad. He wouldn't have to feel like both a victim and a perp.

He hated it. He hated the violated feeling that consumed him. He hated that it was his own body that was used against him and that he had caused her that pain. He hated that it could have been avoided.

He was furious at the thought. He knew he was being unfair, he knew he was being cruel but he just couldn't stop himself. Anger flooded through him at the thought of never having to do what he did. This whole time he had been kicking himself for raping her and she so casually said it wouldn't have made a difference.

Her words broke him from his thoughts. "And if I had stopped you, then that would have left you shot five minutes earlier and probably dead by the time Cragen got there."

His jaw dropped. "Cragen was there?" He hadn't been conscious for when they were rescued. He assumed someone had heard Olivia's screams and some random uni was sent to check it out. If Cragen had been there then he knew Olivia had come to check up on him. It meant Cragen would have been expecting a call and Olivia knew it was only a matter of time before Cragen went over to check it out.

If he was there then that means he saw. He knew, without a doubt, that Olivia had been raped.

There was no other reason for her to refuse the rape kit.

She really was just protecting him.

He felt like a monster.

"Elliot, I'm not talking about this anymore."

His heart broke then. She was suffering so much and it was all for him. "Liv, you have to talk about this. You know that. You have to press charges."

Anger flashed in her eyes. "No, Elliot, I don't. I don't have to do a god damned thing." She was livid. Everything she had done had been for him and he was throwing it back in her face. "And we aren't continuing this conversation."

"Oh, that's just great Olivia. Walk away; shut me out."

"I'm not walking away from anything, Elliot. I'm trying to protect you." Tears stung her eyes and she felt the familiar feeling of shame sweep over her. "As far as anyone else knows nothing happened"

"But it did happen, Olivia. You can't run away from that. What the hell do you think is going to happen when he gets away with what he did to you? How are you going to feel? You should be protecting yourself!"

"He's not getting away with anything!" The tears she had been fighting back had finally spilt over. "Elliot, he's going to prison."

They were silent for a moment and after what seemed like an eternity, Elliot finally spoke.

"For what he did to everyone else."

She barely heard him.

"He's still going away." She sounded certain.

Elliot walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She flinched at his touch. "You know that's not enough. You know you'll still be suffering."

She met his eyes, forcing anger in her voice to hide the pain. He was right. "What makes you so god damned sure?"

He knew he shouldn't, but he said it anyway. "Because that's what happened with Harris."

The slap across his face exploded behind his eyes. He thought his head was going to explode. It felt like all of his teeth went shooting into his brain.

"Get out." Her voice was cold.

He hadn't meant it, not like that. He wasn't trying to cause her more pain. "Olivia?"

"Now!"

He turned then, his own words haunting him.

_You never leave a rape victim alone._

He sighed and grasped the door knob. He heard her come up behind him to lock the door when he left.

_Even if she pushes you away._

He looked back at her. Her eyes were blank as he stepped out the door.

Damn.

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><p><strong>Review! Either here or on Twitter. bitchstolemynam<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Bushido couldn't believe his luck. None of the murders he committed could be traced back to him. He had more than enough handymen to cover his tracks. He could claim self defense against Tybore; its not like anyone was in the room when he shot him and Tybore did lunge at him first.

They couldn't prove that he knew about Tybore before the shooting.

The DA decided that the only crimes that had a chance at trial were the animal smuggling and the attempted murder of a police officer.

True, there were two counts of assault and battery but they would be dropped in the plea agreement to the attempted murder charge.

He was looking at a max of 30 years but with the overcrowding in prisons he would be out in 15. Bushido smiled at the thought of freedom. He was sure he would get the needle but instead he was going to live out his term, sitting pretty in a federal prison with other members of his smuggling ring.

Or, he could flip on the other smugglers and make a deal with the DA. Fish and Wildlife had been all over him and he wasn't even the man in charge. Bushido smiled and called for the guard that was watching his cell.

"I need to make a phone call", rasped Bushido when the guard neared his cell. "I need to talk to my lawyer."

The guard nodded and led Bushido, in cuffs, down the hall to where he could use the phone. Bushido smiled at the hand that had been dealt to him; he could play it well. Attempted murder could easily be dropped to assault with a deadly weapon if he gave the names of the other smugglers he was working with.

As the phone rang, he briefly wondered why he wasn't being charged with the rape but he quickly dismissed it as fear. He still owned her. Even now, she was serving him. He smiled, realizing that he was going to get away with everything and the only person who could stop him was refusing to do so.

Never mind luck; he was bullet proof.

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><p>Elliot sat in his car outside of Olivia's apartment, only vaguely aware of the world around him. His sole focus was on what had just happened. He couldn't dive, couldn't leave. He was trying to work up the nerve to go back up there and talk to her.<p>

He knew that he had hurt her and he hated himself for it. He had intended on going there to discuss what had happened. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to understand why she did what she did.

He wanted to explain why he did what he did.

And yet there he was, sitting outside her apartment, alone.

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><p>She didn't even make it to her bedroom before she broke down. She had just closed the door behind him when she collapsed on the floor.<p>

Damn him.

Damn him for it all.

He had no right to judge her. Everything she had done that night had been for him. Everything she had ever done had been for someone else.

And look where it got her.

Olivia swallowed the bile in her throat as she remembered Bushido's cruel hands on her body. She was disgusted.

Twice.

She had been violated in the worst of ways, twice.

Olivia bit her lips as she remembered Elliot's claims about her suffering.

Fuck him.

He knew nothing about suffering. He didn't know what it was to be held down; to fight as hard as you could, knowing that there was nothing you could do.

He didn't understand what it was like to not be in control of your own body; to have someone over you, inside you, using your body for their pleasure.

Fuck suffering.

That doesn't even begin to cover it.

And this had happened to her twice.

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned her head against her door. She had been getting help for what had happened to her in Sealview.

True, she never told Elliot that but that was because she never told him she was attacked in the first place. She didn't want him to know. She didn't want him to see her as weak.

So, she tried everything she could to get Ashley to help her. It was the detail that she provided that put that monster away and got justice for the both of them.

Olivia went pale and her blood ran cold as realization dawned over her.

Elliot was trying to get justice for himself.

She didn't doubt for a minute that Elliot wanted justice for her but she had been so busy wrapped up in protecting him that she completely missed his side of the experience.

Elliot said he raped her. But he didn't.

Bushido made him do something he didn't want to do. He had a gun and forced Elliot to use his body in a way he never would have had he had the choice.

Olivia sighed. _Suffering_.

He did know.

Slowly, Olivia rose from the floor. It had only been a few minutes since Elliot had left her apartment and she was hoping she could catch him before he made his way out of the building.

She had her hand on the door knob when her phone rang. She thought about answering it but decided that talking to Elliot was more important. She needed to settle things before they got out of hand and knowing Elliot, she didn't have long.

She had just reared the corner of the building hall when she saw Elliot stepping out of one of the elevators, holding his cell phone to his ear.

He looked distressed and Olivia knew he had come back to talk to her.

It only took him a few seconds to hang up. He flipped the phone shut and slid it into his pocket before speaking.

"We need to talk", he said.

Olivia nodded. "We do."

She turned and began walking back to her apartment but stopped when she noticed Elliot wasn't following her.

"What is it?" She asked.

Elliot stepped forward and motioned for her to follow him back down the hall.

"We need to go to the precinct", he said. "Cragen just called."

Olivia nodded and followed him to one of the elevators, figuring she should wait until they were out of ears reach before she asked any questions.. Once they were inside the elevator and began their decent, Elliot spoke again.

"Bushido wants a deal." His words were stale and he avoided her questioning gaze by keeping his head facing the elevator doors.

"He's not getting one", she said. "Elliot, you don't really plan on making a deal with the son of a bitch; do you?"

The elevator doors opened and Elliot quickly stepped out and began walking to the parking garage, leaving Olivia to catch up to him.

"El", she called from several feet behind. "Elliot talk to me."

She quickened her pace, unsure of how he was moving around so well when she was still so broken and sore.

"Elliot", she said breathlessly when they finally reached his car. She placed her hands on his shoulders and turned him around like he had done to her so many times. Her eyes were full of concern and pain as she faced him. "Elliot tell me you're not making a deal. We can't let him get away with this."

Her words tasted bitter as she realized their positions had now changed.

"Liv", he began solemnly, "We may not have a choice."

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><p><strong>Review! <strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait. I was hit with the worst case of writers block ever. Plus I am working on some new stories, finishing up "Silent Night" and "Diminishing" and redoing "Strength". I'll try not to leave you hanging for that long again. This chapter was particularly difficult to write but hopefully I did a good job. **

**Anyway, enjoy the show.**

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><p>Elliot and Olivia sat in the lounge room outside of the cribs, Chinese take out in hand. Elliot fought with his chopsticks as he shoveled mountains of orange chicken into his mouth.<p>

He watched as Olivia stirred her food around in the white container. It looked as if she had barely eaten at all.

"Not hungry?" He asked, bits of chicken falling from the corners of his mouth.

"Not really", she said, "I just want to talk to Cragen and get out of here."

Elliot looked over the rails surrounding the lounge and into the squad room. From where he was sitting, he could see Cragen and Greyleck shouting back and forth in his office.

"Greyleck looks like she's about to rip his head off. It shouldn't be too much longer."

"Yeah." Her words lacked any meaning as she placed her food down on the coffee table before them and sat back into the couch.

Elliot took in her appearance. She had lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few days but he hadn't had the opportunity to address the issue until now.

"Have you been eating at all since your attack?"

Olivia scoffed. "Its been almost two weeks, Elliot. I think I would have died if I hadn't eaten at all since _my_ attack."

Elliot winced at the emphasis in her words. "That's not what I mean, Olivia." She avoided his eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you are taking care of yourself. You know you're not alone in this."

She wanted to slap him. How could he be so broken one second and so fucking okay the next?

She was half jealous that he could even pick an emotion to feel when she was so lost.

"You should worry about yourself", she spat. "I'm not the one who just came out of a coma."

Elliot sighed and put his food on the table to join hers.

He didn't want to argue with her.

"Have you thought about what you are going to say to Cragen?" He asked.

Olivia looked up at his sudden change in topic. "What is there to say? I am just going to tell him that its absurd that Bushido get anything less than the needle." Her eyes watered slightly as she remembered all who had suffered at Bushido's hands. "His tiger killed that women. He killed Tybore. He tried to kill you."

Elliot waited for her to continue; those were not Bushido's only crimes.

Olivia stayed silent and Elliot's surveyed her with his eyes. "And?" He asked.

Olivia glared at him. "And what?" Her words were harsh as she snapped at him.

Jesus, this woman was trying to start a fight. Elliot's eyes fell from hers. "I wasn't alone in that room, Olivia."

She just scoffed and and folded her arms, turning away from him.

"Olivia, what the hell", he finally snapped. "Why do you keep trying to piss me off?" He stood from his chair and walked over to join her on the couch. "You got something to say to me; then say it."

He saw the flare in her eyes and she clenched her fists. "Fine!" He had never heard that much rage in her voice. "Everything I did that night, everything I've ever done, has been for you. You think I wanted to come over that night? You think I wanted to storm in there in my fucking bra? No! I was there because I had just talked your wife out of leaving you!"

She saw the shock and hurt in his eyes but she didn't care. All of the pain and anger from the past few days had built of and finally spilled over and she needed to take it out on someone.

"If you had just called your fucking wife, I never would have had to go over there and explain everything to her. I never would have promised her you would call and I damn sure wouldn't have had to show up at your crash pad and bait myself in front of that fucking monster!"

"You think this is my fault." His voice was low but his words were angry. "I never asked you to fix my fucking marriage. And you can't blame my marital problems for you being raped."

He saw the same hurt and anger in her eyes but he was too far gone. He knew victims were irrational, he knew they needed someone to blame but he damn sure wasn't going to sit there and be the target.

"You could have been my sister, my wife, my fucking plummer; but no. You had to take off your clothes and wiggle your ass in front of that son of a bitch and you have the nerve to blame me for what happened to you."

"And if I hadn't, he would have shot you the second I came out of that bathroom. I didn't have a choice!"

"No, Olivia. You did have a choice!" His words were lost in anguish. "I didn't have a choice when he put a fucking gun to my head. I lost my choice the second you threw your arms around me and named your price."

"As if I enjoyed using myself as bait for that fucking monster!"

"Well, you've certainly done it before."

And there is was, the final straw that sent her over the edge.

"You just wont let that go, will you?" Her voice was drawn and tired, all of her fight having left her. "Okay, Elliot, fine. Its my fault; all of it."

He snapped out of his rage then, his tenth mood shift for the day. He knew what she was referring to.

"Olivia, that's not what I mean."

"No, Elliot." Her tears had finally released in small torrents down her face. "You're right. No one made me do any of it. I used myself as bait and I need to face the consequences."

He was about to speak but she had already turned and was heading down the stairs into Cragen's office, where Greyleck had just come of out.

He sat back down into the couch and buried his head in his hands.

Fuck, he had really messed up.

All Olivia had been trying to do was help him. She was kind and selfless enough to sacrifice herself to save another.

And he used that against her.

It was like he couldn't control his own damn emotions. He was angry, he was scarred. He was feeling everything she was feeling but he shouldn't have those thoughts.

He shouldn't be feeling the way she was feeling.

He was not a victim.

He was a man, he was supposed to be the strong one. He wasn't supposed to feel this weak and helpless.

But he did.

And he needed help.

And then he did something he never thought he would do.

He took out his phone, and called Huang.

* * *

><p>"Four years!" The thought, as it left her lips, was so absurd, so inherently unjust, she thought she might vomit. "He tried to kill us and he only gets four years!"<p>

"He has valuable information", Cragen began solemnly. "I'm not happy about this but its out of my hands. The attempted murder charge was dropped down to assault with a deadly weapon."

"What about Tybore", she asked. "He shot him, in cold blood."

"Self defense. He claims Tybore lunged at him first and never identified himself as a police officer."

"And you believe that shit!" Olivia was livid, angry tears stinging her eyes.

"Its not about what I believe, its about what the D.A. thinks they can charge him with."

Olivia sank down into one of the chairs in Cragen's office. She rested her head in her hands and sighed. "How did he only get four years?" Her voice was softer and more defeated than he had ever heard.

"He ratted out some of the other smugglers. He had friends in high places; some in women and child trafficking. He got two years off for each conviction."

"So he's just going to get away with it." Cragen could tell she was fighting the urge to cry. "Four years; with the overcrowding in prisons he will be out in two."

It made her sick. Her rapist, the man who had so brutally attacked her and Elliot was going to get away with a slap on the wrists.

She thought about Elliot. She thought about how he would never be the same; how they would never be the same. She thought about those nights at the hospital, holding Elliot's hand, praying that he would wake up.

She thought about that first week and how she cried at almost every hour because each time she moved she was aware of the agonizing pain between her legs and was brought back to that terrible night.

She thought about the nights to come and how damaged her relationship with Elliot was.

She though about how damaged Elliot was.

How long would it take him to get over it?

How long would it take her to get over it?

Longer than four years.

"This is so fucked up", she whispered.

"The DA has made their choice, Olivia." Cragen was careful with his words. "There is nothing we can do."

"No", she whispered. "No, there is." Cragen looked at her as she slowly brought her head out of her hands and stood to face him. "I would like to report a rape."

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	11. Chapter 11

**It should go without saying but just in case, the words in _italics_ are what's going on with Olivia. I felt that the line breaks made the chapter too choppy. Anyway, enjoy.**

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><p><em>Cragen pushed the button on the tape recorder and Olivia's palms immediately began sweating. She opened her mouth but it ran dry.<em>

_"I don't even know where to start." Olivia clasped her hands together and placed them in her lap, looking down at them as she spoke. "I've done this so many times before and yet I have no idea what to say."_

_Cragen straightened in his chair and nodded his head once. "Just start with what you remember."_

Elliot was pacing back and forth, unable to sit still with Haung in the room.

"I don't even know where to start." He shook his head at the floor; a nervous habit he always had. "I've done this so many times before and yet I have no idea what to say."

Haung nodded and placed his pen and pad down on the table before him in hopes it would make Elliot more comfortable if he knew this was off the record. "Just start with what you remember."

_"After he shot Elliot, I tried to rush to his side but Bushido caught me and he threw me on the bed." She drew her bottom lip in-between her teeth and contemplated her next words. "He ripped my pants."_

"I always wondered what I would do if my partner was raped. When Cragen first introduced Olivia as my new partner, the first thing I thought was: great, every perp we see is going to come after her."

Haung raised an eyebrow. "That was the first thing you thought of when you saw her?"

Elliot closed his eyes, a little embarrassed of what he was about to say. "No. No, the first thing I noticed about her was how beautiful she was, is." He shrugged. "I am only a man. It never occurred to me how capable she would be. Ya know, with all the shit we see everyday, it gets kinda hard to handle. But she always got through it; she always found a way to get me through it."

"And now?"

He sighed. "Now I don't even know how to handle this. I don't know how to help her. Nothing is how I imagined it to be."

"You've thought about this often." It was not a question.

Elliot nodded and continued his pacing. "Its hard not to. Every time I talk to a child, I wonder what I would do if it was my kid that had been hurt. Whenever I speak with a victim, I always think about what I would if it was somebody I love."

Huang held his stoic expression and wondered if Elliot had even registered his own silent confession.

He waited, and watched Elliot's eyes widen as his words hit home.

"You love her." The statement brought on a whole new light.

Elliot just nodded. "I think that's why this is so hard."

"Elliot", Huang began, "this isn't supposed to be easy. You of all people should know that its going to take time for her to heal. And in the mean time you just need to be there for her as a friend; not as a cop."

"Its not that simple." Elliot's demeanor had completely changed with his last words and his softened, more fragile, appearance did not go unnoticed.

"Explain it to me."

Elliot's throat constricted as he neared the painful memories that he wanted so desperately to forget. "I can't."

"Elliot." Huang's tone was firm but gentle. "Isn't that why you called me here; you wanted to get help? You're doing the right thing, Elliot. How can you help her if you are in no condition yourself."

Huang waited until Elliot had his bearings back under control before he continued.

"Tell me what happened."

Elliot drew in a shaky breath and he knew Huang had noticed.

Fuck.

He couldn't do this, could he?

Could he sit there and tell Huang what happened? Could he relay every sick detail?

Would it even help?

"Bushido." His name tasted vile as it left Elliot's lips. "He found out about Olivia; he had her gun."

It was all he could say and Huang knew Elliot would need more encouragement before he could continue.

"That must have been terrifying."

Elliot nodded and choked back a sob.

Huang examined the sight before him. He couldn't remember a time where Elliot was so broken. He couldn't even remember a time he thought it was possible.

That was it, the first clue that gave him insight as to how horribly wrong things had gone that night.

"Elliot", he chose his words carefully, "Whatever happened that night, you can't let it build up inside you. It will destroy you." He could see that Elliot was at his end. He knew that once the seal was ripped off, he wouldn't be able to hold back on whatever it was that he had been forced to suffer. "You need to talk about it in order to move past this."

Elliot's eyes held more anguish than he ever thought possible. He shouldn't have called Huang. This was a mistake.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't breathe.

He spoke.

"I thought he was going to shoot us but then he moved towards Olivia." It was as if he never left that room as the memories poured forth. "He ripped her pants."

_"He climbed on top of me. I just remember trying to push him off, not just to protect myself, but because Elliot was dying on the floor and he needed me. It was no use; Bushido was too strong. He had a gun to my head."_

"He had a gun to her head. His hands were all over her and I couldn't move. I couldn't risk him getting angry and shooting her."

"But Olivia was shot."

Elliot nodded. "He touched between her legs and she started crying. I couldn't let it go any further; I had to stop it. The second I moved over to her he pulled the trigger and shot her shoulder." He closed his eyes as he remembered the heart pounding sound of the gun as it fired. "It wasn't bad but it scared me enough to know that he was serious, that I had to listen to him." Elliot swallowed hard and his eyes began to water. "He told me to get on top of her."

_"He was so heavy. I couldn't breathe; he had his hand over my mouth." Her eyes started to water. "That's when I heard him take off his belt."_

"He unzipped his pants. He said that if I didn't do it, he would." Elliot let out a heart wrenching sob, hating himself for what he was about to say and hating himself even more for not being able to stop it.

"I couldn't", he cried. "I couldn't let him hurt her like that. She just kept saying, 'please, Elliot, don't let him hurt me.' I didn't know what else to do." Elliot's voice was drawn and tired as the shame of his next words truly sunk in. "I couldn't do it." He paused. "I though of everything I could to arouse myself but my body just would respond."

"Elliot, that doesn't mean anything. You were being held at gunpoint and forced into a sex act. The fact that you couldn't achieve an erection says nothing about your masculinity. If anything, it attends to your outstanding moral qualities."

He nodded but not in agreement. "She kissed me and it was only when I felt the moisture on her cheeks that I was even aware that I was crying." Huang raised an eyebrow at his words. "My tears had fallen on her", he clarified, "and the realization that I was over her, on top of her, it was too much. It shouldn't have been that way."

His last words were barely a whisper and Haung had to strain to hear him.

"How should it have been?"

"In safety", he didn't miss a beat. "In comfort. It should have been an intimate moment where I could hold her and make love to her." Elliot sighed and looked down at his hands. His knuckled were white from the fists he had been holding. "I tried to think about that. But then I felt the gun on the back of my head."

_"He pushed into me. I just screamed into his hand. I didn't care about anything anymore. It didn't even matter that he had a gun or that Elliot had been shot. He was inside me and it was all that I could think about."_

"I didn't know if I should touch her or not. I knew that she wasn't ready, her body wasn't ready, but I didn't know if touching her would make the situation better or worse. I didn't want to hurt her. I was frozen and Olivia was crying and I heard the gun cock and she said it was okay so I just . . . I slipped into her."

_"It seemed to go one forever. I begged him to stop. I fought him; I swear I did but there was nothing I could do. My fighting only excited him. The pain was unbearable and I couldn't stop crying; even though I knew if I didn't I would suffocate. I didn't care."_

"She started crying. I swear I was gentle. I did everything I could to avoid hurting her. But she didn't want me. I didn't want it to be like that. I would have never done anything at all if she hadn't said it was okay. Even if it meant he would shoot me, I didn't care. I would never hurt her like that." Elliot put his hand over his mouth in an attempt to silence his cries." But I did. She didn't want me and I was inside her and there was a gun to my head and she was crying."

Huang was astonished, though he didn't show it, of the man before him.

Elliot Stabler was strong, he was confident, he was fearless.

He was broken.

"I lost my erection."

_"I must have blacked out because I don't remember what happened after that. The last thing I remember was the rush of air into my lungs when he was finally pulled off of me."_

"I got off her. I told Bushido that I couldn't do it; that I'd rather die than hurt her. He must have agreed because the next thing I knew, I was on the floor. He shot me and threw Olivia back on the bed."

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><p>Elliot sat in the cribs for a while after his talk with Huang. He had seen Olivia in one of the interview rooms with Cragen but he couldn't bring himself to listen in on her statement.<p>

He didn't want to listen as she relayed to Cragen the same story he had given to Huang.

He felt relieved, despite everything. Therapy wasn't something he would ordinarily volunteer to but he couldn't deny the enormous weight that was lifted off his chest.

He hoped talking to Cragen would do the same for Olivia.

Elliot sighed as got off the cot he had been laying on and made his way down into the squad room. He saw Cragen in his office and Olivia heading out towards the elevators.

He followed her, though he wasn't sure what he would say when he caught up to her. His mind had been reeling with questions ever since Fin told him Cragen was taking her statement.

He wondered what it was that set her off, why she suddenly changed her mind.

The elevator doors opened and he watched her step in. It was then that he saw the moisture glistening on her cheeks and he knew she'd been crying.

The doors were closing. He could still catch them if he hurried. A quick few steps and an outstretched arm and he would be in that elevator.

She caught his eye from a few feet away and reached towards the control buttons.

He smiled, knowing she would hold the door for him.

He walked forward and the smile soon left his face.

The door closed.

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><p><strong>Review.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

The drive home was a short one. He seemed to be on autopilot as his mind replayed every detail of the last few hours.

He was relieved that he had talked to Haung and he had to admit that it did make him feel better. Maybe now that he had taken that step, Olivia wouldn't feel so bad about it herself and she could start counseling, start healing.

Olivia: another conversation he had to have. He couldn't believe what she had told him. Her angry words still echoed in his head even after she had left to talk to Cragen.

_"You think I wanted to come over that night? You think I wanted to storm in there in my fucking bra? No! I was there because I had just talked your wife out of leaving you!"_

Fuck, that got to him.

He hadn't asked her do that for him but he knew that's what she thought he wanted.

He didn't want it. He hadn't wanted it since before Eli was born but he felt that he should at least try to make things work for the baby's sake.

But if she didn't want to be with him, then he wasn't willing to make things work with her.

That was his final thought as he sat down on his couch, waiting for his wife to come home. The door knob rattled moments later and she slowly stepped in.

"Elliot", she breathed, "you're home."

He nodded. "Sit down Kathy." His tone was flat and she looked at him inquisitively. "We need to talk."

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><p>Olivia closed her eyes and let her body settle into the tub. Warm water cascaded around her and eased the pain of her healing body.<p>

She wished there was something she could do for her broken heart. She knew what was to come. She had avoided coming forward about her rape for so long; she knew the defense would use that against her.

They could claim she was mad about his plea bargain and was grasping at straws for a longer sentence.

She had witnesses; Cragen, Elliot, whatever uniformed officers had swarmed the scene. But that didn't mean the process would be any less horrific. She would still have to take the stand and give her testimony of what Bushido had done to her. She would have to listen to Cragen describe the horrible scene he had walked in on.

She wondered what would happen when Elliot took the stand. Despite her statement to Cragen, she still left out the details about what had gone on before Bushido raped her.

She bit her lip and cursed at herself at the thought of Elliot taking the stand and describing those events. She hoped it wouldn't come to that. Its not as if it was relevant to her case. Elliot had been bleeding on the floor, listening to her screams and that's all the jury needed to know.

Who was she kidding? The defense would want to know how Bushido ended up alone with her gun and badge. She would have to sit there and tell them that she posed as a prostitute and kicked them out of the bedroom. Of course they would ask what that led to.

She was fucked and she knew it.

Olivia sighed and sank further into the bath. Maybe should could convince Elliot to lie. Only Bushido would know the full story and she seriously doubted he'd want to share it.

Again she cursed herself as she realized she was trying to justify perjury. She felt like crap; she was a hypocrite. She couldn't count the number of victims she convinced to testify and here she was, chickening out herself.

Olivia closed her eyes and told herself that she was protecting Elliot, that couldn't let out what happened to them for his sake.

It was the truth, after all; part of it, anyway.

The water surrounding her started to cool and Olivia unplugged the drain and slowly got up.

She had only barely gotten dressed when there was a small, timid, knock on the door.

"Olivia."

She knew that voice.

"Olivia please open up. I know you're mad at me but we really need to talk."

Olivia slowly padded towards her door and looked through the peep hole. She let out a barely audible gasp when she saw Elliot standing with a duffle bag in his hand.

"Elliot", she said when she opened the door. "What happened?"

Elliot sighed and made his was through the door and into her apartment. "I left Kathy." He let the shock of the news settle before continuing. "She gave me an ultimatum and I didn't choose the way she wanted."

"That doesn't exactly answer my entire question", she said motioning for them to sit on her couch.

Elliot shook his head and rested his elbows on his knees. "I confronted her about that night; you said you talked her out of leaving me."

"I didn't mean for you to leave her!" She exclaimed, panic slowly rising through her.

"I know", he said, quickly calming her. "I know. But I told her that if she wanted to leave me that she should just leave because I have enough shit to deal with without having to worry about her leaving at my next move."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "How did she react to that?"

He sighed. "She said she wanted to be here for me. That families stick together."

"They do, Elliot. Families do stick together."

"Will you just listen to me!" He snapped. "I don't feel good about this, okay but its what I had to do. I told Kathy that my job would never change, that after all this I would still be the man she was going to leave that night. I told her that I love my children and I will always be there for them but I couldn't be the husband she wanted anymore. I can't be the same guy she fell in love with."

"Why not?" She asked, her voice thick with emotion as she stared into his glossy eyes. She didn't want his marriage to fall apart. She didn't want to feel responsible for it.

"Olivia, we've changed." He whispered. "We are never going to be the same after this and I told Kathy that she wouldn't understand why I couldn't talk to her about that stuff, why it was better off that she didn't know." He took her hands in his and stared deep into her eyes. "Why its so important that I be here for you."

"You brought an overnight bag so you can be with me?" She sounded mildly offended.

"No", he began. "I brought an over night bag because I have no where else to go. Because Kathy told me I had to choose between her and my job; her and you."

"Elliot, what are you saying?" She was panicking now. She had stood idly by and dealt with all the accusations and questioning stares throughout their partnership because she knew that it wasn't true. That Elliot would never leave his wife for her. She never asked him to. She didn't think he wanted to. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't choose Kathy", he began. "I told her being her for you was more important than trying to make our barely there marriage work."

"Elliot you shouldn't have done that." Her throat was dry. "You need to be close to your family right now."

"I need to be close to you, god damn it. Olivia, don't you get it? Don't you understand?"

His outburst had thrown her. She didn't understand why he was so angry, why he was so adamant about staying with her. "Get what Elliot?" She asked through gritted teeth.

He sighed, realizing then that she was far behind in his revelation. He took her hands once more. "I talked to Haung today." He watched her eyes grow wide. "He gave me some advice, some insight on why I've been feeling the way that I do."

"Elliot, you've been through so much."

"And so have you. But he made me realize what I was trying to suppress, what was really bothering me the most."

She looked at her hands in his and slowly pulled them back. "And?"

"You", he whispered. "I know its not fair. I know I shouldn't be unloading this on you right now."

She shook her head, cutting him off. "What do you mean its me?"

He could hear the panic in his voice and instantly regretted his words.

He sighed; this wasn't fair. She was too fragile. Furthermore, he was too fragile.

"Olivia", he breathed. "I need to make sure your okay. You're my partner."

He decided that was all he would say for now; the rest could wait till later.

"I can take care of myself, Elliot."

"I know you can", he said quickly. "But", he motioned to the overnight bag sitting on the floor, "Like I said, I have no where else to go." He gave her a small smile, one that she used to find charming. "You're not going to let your partner go out on the street are you?"

She let out a small chuckle. "No."

"Then what's the harm in having me look after you while I'm here?"

"Because I don't need anyone looking after me, Elliot. How many times do I have to say that?"

"Damn it, Olivia." He chuckled, both annoyed and impressed by her stubbornness. "You can't expect me to believe that you're okay. As a matter of fact I know you're not okay because I'm not okay."

Her eyes caught his and she registered his silent agreement. "Maybe I should keep an eye on you."

He smiled lightly at the mood shift and nodded at her compromise. He knew she would only agree to let him stay if she was the one helping him.

Even now, her facade was strong and she was hell bent on proving her independence.

"I think that's a good a idea."

She nodded.

This was good, he thought. He could take care of her and make sure she was healing and in that time they could grow closer.

When the time was right, after all the craziness had died down, he could tell her about his conversation with Haung.

It would take time but he was more than willing to wait; they still had some issues that needed to be dealt with before she could deal with his feelings for her.

"Earlier today", he began. "With the elevator door-"

"About that", she interrupted. "I'm sorry, I just needed some space."

Elliot nodded. "I know you reported the rape; you told Cragen everything."

Olivia sighed, realizing that she was going to have to have this conversation much sooner than she would have liked.

"Elliot", she began. "We have to talk about that."

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	13. Chapter 13

**This story is becoming increasingly more difficult to write. Sorry for the wait but I don't want to just post filler chapters. I'll try to have the next chapter up before Wednesday. **

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><p>It was early in the morning when Elliot awoke from the first good night's sleep he'd had in a while. He was surprised to find that his pleasant rest was on what looked like and incredibly uncomfortable couch.<p>

His mind was still reeling from his conversation with Olivia. He couldn't believe what she had asked of him.

He knew she was trying to protect him from outrageous accusations but he also knew that every fiber in her being did not want to relieve the humiliation of that night in front of a courtroom full of people.

She'd asked that he not mention what happened before Bushido shot him.

That was all.

She didn't mention anything about concocting a story, or any other thing that might cause for him to perjure himself. He was only asked to consider her request and then talk to her about it in the morning.

Elliot rolled onto his back, trying to relieve the pressure in his bladder from laying on his side. The discomfort in his middle was nothing compared to the ache inside of him.

He couldn't believe that his strong, confident partner had been hurt so badly that she'd rather commit perjury then talk about what happened.

But he needed to talk about it. He needed to get it through to her that this would not help anything. He would not mention what happened but if the defense attorney asked he would not lie under oath and she should do the same.

Elliot winced at the cold under his feet as he swung his legs over the couch and made his way into Olivia's bedroom.

He should have knocked, he realized, but he knew she was asleep and he needed to use the bathroom first anyway.

He made his way past her bed, catching a glance of her fitful form he entered the bathroom that was connected to her room.

He noticed the shower curtain was wet and he scowled as he realized that she had to have woken up in the middle of the night to use it. Excessive showers were not uncommon with rape victims. He understood the need she must have to cleanse her body of the evil that had invaded it.

It made him hate Bushido even more.

Having finished, he made his way over to the sink to wash his hands. It was then that he noticed the row of prescription pills lined up on the counter.

There was one for pain, one for anxiety, one to help her sleep, and an antibiotic; which was the only one with pills missing.

He scowled again at the possibilities. Sure, the medicine could be for her bullet wound; it was very likely that it had been infected. But it was also very likely that the sick son of bitch that raped her had some form of STD.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, realizing that no matter how much he wanted to know that he couldn't, wouldn't, ask.

A soft cry from inside the bedroom broke him from his thoughts and he quickly made his way out of the bathroom and to her.

Olivia was sleeping, sweating and whimpering at the tyrant that only she could see.

"Liv?" He called out to her. His voice caused her breath to hitch.

His heart broke; he couldn't let her suffer another minute, even if it was only in her sleep.

"Olivia", he said again, his voice stern and he sat down on her bed and placed a hand on her shoulder.

She violently jerked back at his touch and he realized that he had accidentally touched her wounded arm.

He moved to her wrists then, gently shaking one, trying to wake her from her sleep.

"Olivia, wake up", he began. "Its Elliot."

He shook her wrist once more and she started to scream.

The terror, the pure unrelenting, agonizing terror, that was in her voice stopped him. He was speechless. He couldn't move if he tried.

Olivia pulled her wrist from his grasp and started clawing at the air, trying to ward off her attacker. She caught him in the jaw and reflex caused him to swat her hand away.

She was flailing still and he was afraid that she might hurt herself or knock over one of the items on her nightstand. He gently shook her once more and her eyes flew open.

She pivoted herself forward, screaming, lunging at him, trying to strike any part of him she could.

He caught her mid-strike and she started sobbing hysterically.

"It's me", he called. "Olivia its me!"

She collapsed against him and went limp in his arms. She was shaking so badly for a moment he thought she was seizing.

"Olivia its okay."

"Please", she whispered, still half asleep. "Please don't, Elliot. Please."

His arms fell from around her and he thought he might be sick. He somehow found the strength to remove himself from her bed and stood a good six feet away.

Olivia immediately curled up into a ball and began sobbing once more. The silence was killing him. The room was still save for her quiet sobs and he wondered what was going through her head. She had called out to him, pleaded for him to stop.

He though he was going to be sick.

It was only after a few wordless minutes that she finally found her voice. "Elliot", she said groggily, though the last of her sleep had left her. "Elliot I need you to give me a minute."

He looked down, realizing she was asking him to leave. He knew he shouldn't be standing there but he couldn't bring himself to leave. "Olivia, I-

"Please, Elliot." She whispered into the space her balled up position created for her. "It was just a dream. I know you aren't going to hurt me."

Her words were like daggers through him. She wasn't fighting off Bushido. She was fighting him. Even if it was a dream, she was afraid the he would hurt her.

"Liv?" His words were the softest they had ever been. "What happened? What did you dream about?"

She looked up at him then, her eyes red and glassy.

_Elliot was standing above her. She had seen the gun return to his head and the dread in his eyes as it cocked against him._

_"Its okay, Elliot", she whispered. "I'm okay."_

_"Liv?"_

_His voice was so clear, a vast contrast against the fog that clouded her muffled cries and Bushido's cruel laughter._

_Her breathing hitched._

_He was reaching for her, it felt so real, and she tried to move away from his touch because she knew he was aiming for her shoulder and she didn't want it to start bleeding again._

_"Olivia", he said and his voice was more stern now. She felt the bed below her dip as he climbed over her and pressed against the wound._

_She screamed and tried to pull away but he was grabbing at her wrists._

_"Olivia!"_

_Oh, God, his voice was angry now._

_This wasn't a dream; his voice was so clear and his touch was too overwhelming._

_She could feel him struggling with her as she fought to get up but he pinned her down and held her still._

_This was new. She had had this nightmare many times before but he never fought her. He never held her down, things were never this real._

_She glanced up at Bushido who was smiling sadistically at her. She felt Elliot rub against her and she tried to move again but her strength was no match for his weight as he pushed inside her._

_She screamed. She screamed more horribly than any other sound she had ever heard before. This was Elliot. He wouldn't do this to her. He wouldn't hurt her like this._

_But she was under him, and she couldn't move. He rocked his hips violently against her once more before it all went dark and the images above her faded away._

"Olivia", whispered Elliot. "Olivia tell me what I can do."

"Nothing", she whispered and she shook her head to ward off the images that had plagued her sleep. "Elliot, please go."

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